Women have learned certain ways to ‘stay safe’ in everyday life from a very young age – crossing the road to avoid someone, text your friends/family when you are home, turn on your live location, make phone calls (real or fake) when in the presence of a stranger, lock your car door the second you get in and check the back seats, hold your keys between your fingers, pre-plan escape routes, keep walking further so they don’t find out where you live… unfortunately the list goes on. Every woman has used at least one of these ‘safety’ nets in her lifetime, and yet attacks are still happening.
Earlier this month, Sarah Everard, a 33 year old London woman, was walking home from a friend’s house when she disappeared at about 9pm on March 3rd according to Sky News. It is now said that the police searching for her had found human remains in a woodlands area near Kent. Every woman is distraught by this story, as it’s something women can relate to. She was just walking home.
To add to the anger, frustration, and deep sadness women were feeling when this news came to light, the #notallmen hashtag began trending as men took to Twitter to object to being put into the same category as men who abuse women. Many have tweeted back in discontent with the trending hashtag, such as Irish politician Aodhán Ó Ríordáin who says “If your response to the #SarahEverard case is to say #notallmen then you’re part of the problem”. Another Twitter user @kamanityrese compares the #notallmen hashtag to the #AllLivesMatter.
The essence of the issue is that when is enough, enough? Every woman I know has experienced something like this, whether it was being followed home, cat-called, groped, or sexually assaulted. These are fears women have to live with everyday, not just in their home country but everywhere in the world. To shed some light on the topic, I have asked some women of experiences where they have felt threatened by a man while they were abroad, on holidays, living in another country, or backpacking.
A friend of mine was in Rome a few years ago on a girls trip and hopped onto a packed metro, squished like sardines among strangers. Although she was shoulder to shoulder with the other commuters, she continuously felt somebody touching her from behind. Her automatic thought was to move away, however this wasn’t easy as the metro was jam-packed. Feeling so uncomfortable, anxiously waiting for the metro to stop so she could hop off and ignore everything that happened, the metro doors opened and the man standing behind her forcefully grabbed her bum with his two hands, and then just walked away as if nothing happened.
Another friend of mine experienced something similar when she was travelling Morocco. She was waiting at a bus stop with her girlfriend in the middle of Marrakesh when she noticed a man staring at her from a distance walking in her direction. She felt uneasy, wondering why was this man staring at her, that never means anything good. She made sure to not make any eye contact with the man, but as her approached her from behind, he unbuckled his belt, dropped his trousers, and rubbed his genitals across her. She didn’t know how to react, she was so shocked. She told me she felt so uncomfortable wearing the trousers that day, constantly thinking about what had happened.
Lastly, I’ll share a personal experience while living in France. My two housemates and I (all girls) were walking home from a friends house probably at about 11pm on a Tuesday. The streets were quiet and there wasn’t many people around. We walked past a man who was walking alone in the opposite direction as us. Once he saw us, he turned around and began following us home. We noticed it straight away and began picking up the pace, even began running at one stage. But once we started running, he started too. We were coming up to our apartment block but didn’t want to stop as we didn’t want him knowing where we lived. so we took a turn and hid ourselves until we lost him. It was so frightening, we couldn’t sleep that night thinking what if he seen where we lived.
These are only a few examples of what women experience and fear every single day. Too many women have experienced threats, discomfort, and panic while going about everyday life such as commuting, waiting for a bus, or even simply walking home. It is never the woman’s fault for being followed, it is never a woman’s fault for being cat-called, it is never a woman’s fault for being attacked or sexually assaulted. In this day and age, it’s not about protecting women, it should be about educating men. I ask my male readers, to talk to your female friends and ask them their story and understand the fear women face daily. Additionally, have the conversation with your male friends, just because you are ‘not one of them’ doesn’t mean your friends are as educated also. We know not all men are unsafe, but every single woman feels unsafe.
Travel Tribe 